and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
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