12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
That was an excessively violent trivia night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
