I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
Randomize
