Your dad touched me again.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
two words: eviction party
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
