I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
