If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
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I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
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Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?