Sponge bath it is.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Randomize
