tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??