why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
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The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?