I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire