I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
