We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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