i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
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