My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
we're so committed to being not committed
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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