I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
