After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
