Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
