His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I think I won the penis lottery.
it hurts more in the daytime
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Randomize
