But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Randomize
