I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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