i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
Randomize
