the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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