I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
