Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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