There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
