i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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