8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
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