I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Randomize
