If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
There's a naked man in my car right now.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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