wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
smell my finger.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
