i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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