Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
