The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You took a bar mat shot.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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