wat bout pragnant strippers??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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