Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
