I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Randomize
