What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
In America we eat man semen.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
