Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
