I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
40s are totally the cure
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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