speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize