phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize