Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Randomize
