I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
Randomize
