i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Randomize
