just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
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Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
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You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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