Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
