why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
