Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
