I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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