Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
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