she takes plan B like it's going out of style
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
