She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
