apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
