I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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