I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
