please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
