I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
