Christians are straight up FREAKS
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
