You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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