"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
