He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
It's shark week go big or go home
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
