: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Randomize
