hotel room ftw
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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