He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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