shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
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