Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
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