Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
