Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
